And safety comes first.

Friday, July 29

Winowhere, MN

Blogless friend Patrick has never been so a motel room in Winona, MN:
I got to my motel room at midnight and vegetated on beer and cable TV. It was so, well, Winona. I was up until 4:30 though, partly due to a headache and partly due to just plain old insomnia (not even nerves induced). Around 3:30 I walked over to the 24-hour grocery for aspirin. On the way back to the motel room, I noticed two things. One was that the message board below their sign read "Even a broken clock is right two times a day". Another was that the "l" on the cursive lettered neon "motel" sign was burned out, spelling "mote", which led me to wonder about the mote in my eye, and if that was what was giving me a headache.

Thursday, July 28

Hatin' on my dog.

It kills me that my dog is cuter than I am. When people give her biscuits, I get jealous. When she is sleeping, I want to step on her head.

Sunday, July 24

Because I struggle with math...and HTML.

Dear Literate Person,

You didn't become literate for me, I realize, so I extend a thousand thanks to you for humoring me with your stealth brand of readership, which I still find so queer. Even though you are a mute and forgiving happy face in my, perhaps, overly-generous imagination, I, shamefaced and unforgivable, do experience a worthy lot of guilt when I leave you with a blog that hasn't been updated in over a week. Starved but loyal soul, you've been recycling these mediocre stubs of prose, sometimes reading dangerous and unsavory possibilities into my often heedless pile of words, words, words. I give credit to you, lively thinker, since most people don't even bother, but that's because they sense I am wasting their time--and they would be right. My time, my life, after all, is much too valuable to waste on writing.


Sunday, July 10

Weak and Strong

Man on bike is some fine machine, catches my eye for a while, like seconds stretched out into fractions on a clock at the finish. Streaming through my mind is Teddy Pendergrass with a contemporary rap interlude added for my contemporary rap body and soul, and yours too, bike man, if you had the my-my-my-my-my-my-my soul to go with all that rhythm.

Since I moved to the Midwest, the most enjoyable radio station appeared on L.A. airwaves, but I don't regret not being there: They don't play enough Johnny Gill. It's like sipping on weak ass coffee all day.

Corndog was an animal.

This post is going to suck, too, but since you all read this for free, I, with no writerly integrity, will continue to post whatever I want until I regain a wit so biting it leaves a mark prominent enough to make your momma ask who's been pickin' on you. And when she tries to cheer you up with a buttery warm grilled cheese sandwich, I'll be there to mouth it down myself--but not before I wedge your pet hamster Corndog between each toasty, cheesy flap of bread.

If you were offended by the tale of Corndog, then you obviously didn't visit this blog to lap up my saucy prose. You came for the Nudy.

Saturday, July 9

(The) Baseball is Hard

This is the field where I hit a solid liner into the opposite field--Astros scout watching from the dugout. He gave me props afterward, but, hell, I never saw a contract. I would have settled for ball girl or cheese sauce churner for the rich nacho lovers in the luxury boxes, but none of these dreams would come true. Often during my Faulkner seminars, I'd turn my chair and peer out at all the bat-clinking activity from a tall building behind right field. My friend Eric claimed the nachos and soda lady at these Cal State L.A. games had the hots for him, which was fine, I guess, but I never liked when she showed up to mock my Houston dream.

Friday, July 8

Tuesday, July 5


Sunny stopped making me laugh. So I threw him out.

So-So Personality Seeks Mediocre Place to Live for Average Rent

Live in L.A.? Got extra space? Need a few extra bucks? For the right price, I'll hang with whatever:
  1. sleeping in the living room
  2. low water pressure
  3. broken a/c
  4. listening to KROQ (except for mack daddy Jed the Fish) or Jay Z
  5. group shots of your trendy ass friends all over the fuckin' place
  6. mice
  7. roaches
  8. mice and roach traps crowding out the places where I'm trying to store my food
  9. unexpected visits by a landlord who wants to be let in to fix shit that ain't broke and really just wants to mack on those trendy ass friends he's seen in the past
  10. flies and/or trick daddies