This or That

I was sitting in traffic on the national highway administered by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration when I thought of their ubiquitous "Click It or Ticket" campaign slogan. Its double-syllabic rhymes nuzzle into your memory, a likable song, a smiley poem, knocked out at once like a burly slap on the back to welcome you to this no-fucking-around campaign of swift penalty.

That I like.

What I don't like is the lazy ambiguity of the slogan--something only a word-stroking wanker like myself would notice. "Click It or Ticket"--the imperative mood of the former setting off the negative condition of the indicative latter leaves me screaming for the sure clarity found in names like the National Highway...something Administration.

Stormy Past

Never mind the time when a tornado separated me from the Franz Ferdinand guy. How about the time when Barry Manilow gave me the eye?

Choose your own Adventure: Jeans

"Are you going for the 'designer torn jeans' look?," commented the IT guy.

"Of course," I said.

"I ripped a pair of jeans on a computer once and-"

"Did you instantly feel cooler?"

YES--turn to next page for a miracle.
NO--turn to page 7 for more IT conversations that go nowhere.

What Color is your Fucking Parachute?

The results of the workplace MBTI are in! I work with a bunch of Feelers! Sympathetic, agreeable for the sake of harmony, tolerant, means-oriented--you know, the folks who think we have all year to consider everyone's feelings while walking hand-in-hand on the Yellow Brick Road to Getting Shit Done.