And safety comes first.

Thursday, September 17


Finally, everyone has left the blog scene.
Finally, some peace and quiet.

Wednesday, July 22

I can't get enough of jobs!

I just learned from a fellow in HR that I am to assume the responsibility of putting on a large benefit event, a task that falls under the "other duties as assigned when your co-worker quits and administration wastes no time to implement a hiring freeze" section of my job description. Although I have some reservations about my long term ability to deal with people--that is, people and their insatiable need to have personalities--I'd like the company to know that I am a team player and will leverage my limited skills to put on this little wingding. In the meantime I shall continue to appreciate my current job, where other people's personalities are evinced only by the modifiers they like to dangle and misplace within my copy. Who knew wingdings could give me such job security?

Monday, July 20

That's News to Me!

What happens when you write a 24-page annual report and the people responsible for approving it take months and months to do it, therefore rendering the financial statistics obsolete? You call it a newsletter! You use all your power to ignore the professional stock photos, booklet format, comprehensive information, and the total absence of news articles, and you call it a newsletter, damn it! You call it a newsletter and then you shoot yourself.

Tuesday, July 14


Let me tell you about this hip new thing I discovered on the Information Superhighway: Facebook. I finally put two and two together and realized that this was the thing everyone was talking about: keeping in touch with family members so you can spend even MORE time tolerating people you don't want to know that much about; gossiping about co-workers who've befriended you not at work, not in your personal life, but ONLINE so that you have to censor everything you say, for fear of a trip to the HR office on Monday; and getting back in touch with people who liked high school way more than you ever did. With my new public Facebook account, I can tell people what I'm up to, that I dislike doing laundry, which bands I like, what line of work I'm in, how whine about gas prices but in actuality just want to talk about what I drive and how cool it makes me, whom I tried to poison at work, and how I can sense the desperation in some of those profile photos. I like it. It's like a community of loud people with no self-control and a lot of stupid things on their minds.

Saturday, July 4


In one month and one day, I could say, "Five years ago today, I started this blog, and have I confused you with all of those time references one month and one day ago when I mentioned the then yet-to-have-occurred five-year anniversary?"

And you will hang on now, reading for the prize at the end of the post: a statement of wit, wisdom, weirdness, and, you know, alliteration.

Sunday, April 12

Delayed Blog Post

I've been on and off the softball field for about 14 years now. My greatest and only fear to this day is getting hit in the face by a savage ground ball, whose sudden rejection of course leaves my surprise a much delayed reaction.

Oh cra-!

(Hello again. I can't get into the Twitter thing.)