And safety comes first.

Friday, November 30

Welcome to my newly formatted blog, FRIEND.

Mediocrity is Safe now features a refreshing modern look, delivering the same mediocre content you’ve come to expect. Notice the addition of “A Few of my Favorite Things” in the right column and navigate with relative order the disorder of my brain. Yes, that’s right: the disorder of my brain!

Now that the blog/brain correlation has been made known, any reader might ask why a person like myself would have no friends to categorize. To be quite frank, the thought of a “Friends” category would suit this blog well, and I suspect I would categorize my friends mercilessly, but alas I admit I have no friends to speak of.

Shall I make them up? Would it be a crime? Yes, a crime to mental health, for how healthy is it to submit to the mental indolence of simply drumming up a couple of bland folk to label as comrades each time I require a new “Friends” essay? The only true and honorable approach to making friends is to come face to face with real individuals and then strategically lower your own standards so that 9 out of 10 people you meet can qualify favorably in your endeavor.

We're friends, right?

Tuesday, November 27

Jab! Jab! Jab! (Gardening Advice)

A little research on lead me to this nifty tip:
I use plastic forks inserted upside down into the dirt around my flowers. It stops the cats walking through the flowers because the little fork prongs jab their paws.
Little plastic fork prongs, eh? I prefer gentle explosives myself.

Thursday, November 8

CHOSEN: The Lindsay Lohan Pumpkin of Well-Being Restoration

Thank you, Winona Public Library (now with wireless Internet access!!), for choosing my pumpkin-carving idea submission! (Also see pumpkin cousin 2,000 miles away in California.)