Hi, my name is Alfredo.

Patrick called me last night in the middle of the night where he was. He sounded pretty sober, even as he told me otherwise. I asked if he was about to tell me he loved me because it would be a pretty funny joke. Just then we both went silent. Moments later I realized the awkward silence was the direct result of my dead cell phone battery. The next day I thought it would be funny to send him an email that read, “You are dead to me. Ha! Ha! Also, I don’t like your cigarette habit and you drink too much. Ha! Ha!” I can’t wait to see his response.