You are a fallopian tube in love with David Hasselhoff. You remember when you posed, thumbs up, sitting in the Knight Rider car at Universal Studios back in the 80s. You even spent $3.25 on a photo button of your superstar so that he could literally be close to your heart. You wish you were German. You wish you could gyrate to his music, but you can't. You are just a thumbless, heartless, hipless tube without the Hasselhoffian goods.