Changing careers is as easy as changing your outlook on life!

Other jobs I'm considering:

1. BBQ restaurant meat maridader: While I brush sauce onto slabs of meat in the kitchen, I'll overhear customers go, "Golly gee willikers, this is a well marinaded piece of meat!," and I'll gain satisfaction in knowing that I hadn't let an expired meat product go to waste.
2. Human burst of sunshine in subway station: In the dark tunnels of the subway station, it'll be me you approach. I'll talk to you about anything, even if you smell a little like spilled whiskey. I'm not one of those people whose heads turn away and eyes glaze over the instant you've threatened them with crazy talk. You're going to play Boggle with Jesus today? I hope you win for once.
   
3. Cactus nursery attendant: I've always loved the quiet mystery of succulents, but I have another reason for choosing this career (see comments section).
4. Office intern shutter-upper: A new line of consulting, if you will. I'll help any company return to maximum efficiency by quashing the time-consuming, question-asking spirit of the golden intern.