Sunday, January 21
Fake as they come!
The titles for my last two posts are so desperate sounding. Those exclamation marks, they're so telling! Not only am I without emotion, but I am without wit. I rely on exclamation marks to feign feeling, which, upon this third offense, makes me a feigner of feeling. It's like when you're at a poetry reading and some acclaimed somebody is reading a lot of her poetic words--more than she needs to, if you ask me--and you are saying these other words in your head: hackneyed, cliched, trite, pedestrian, tedious, uninspired, and toilet paper. In these situations I become a regular feigner of feeling, an shameless exclamation-mark-abuser, one who applauds and nods in a yes, yes, this imagery is so fresh! fashion. Liars stink, but at least I shower every day and use deodorant.
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3 comments:
Apropos of nothing
My mom sends me letters which require the following punctuation code-break:
One exclamation mark = a comma
Two exclamation marks = a period
Three exclamation marks = one exclamation mark
Four exclamation marks = a period
Therefore the following sentence
"Mark! Here are pictures of your niece! Which I printed off the internet!! She is quite the baby Einstein! According to your brother!! She even uses the word "intestine"!!! I remember when you used that word as a baby!!!!"
Can be translated as
Mark, here are pictures of your niece, which I printed off the internet. She is quite the baby Einstein, according to your brother. She even uses the word "intestine"! I remember when you used that word as a baby."
The world is built on fakery, though, and there are three major grades of fake: fake, faker, and fakest. If you're just fake, that means that you're real.
Particularly by L.A. standards.
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