Attention friends of past and present times: Please seek updates about me on this here blog, for I have forgotten how to communicate with you on an interpersonal level. It was by a process of elimination that I decided to adopt a single, theatrically candid voice--that is, I have eliminated the unnecessary voices of Sylvia to present to you the Necessary Sylvia.
The author would like to interject at this point, cautioning the Necessary Sylvia that an egotist with nothing to offer is quickly dismissed. The author would also like to stress to the Necessary Sylvia that the author wants very much to continue living and humbly suggests that the Necessary Sylvia works on keeping all the friends the Necessary Sylvia has already acquired.
That whole thing was totally unnecessary, and I've completely wasted your time. Can we still be friends forever?